#1 humor site on the 'net

Long Noodles

Apartment for rent: must be able to suck it up

Long Noodles thanks to joe-kster

Only Campbell's Can

QuotaBills
Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority. - Alfred Adler

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. - Larry Wall

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Silence is the language of God; it is also the language of the heart. - Sivananda

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut. - Sam Rayburn

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Language: The blood of the soul into which thoughts run, and out of which they grow - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

When a man falls into his anecdotage, it is a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M Wright

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart. - Jose N Harris

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

Crying doesn't indicate that you are weak. Ever since you were born it's been a sign that you are alive. - Unknown

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Who is apt, on occasion, to assign a multitude of reasons when one will do? This is a sure sign of weakness in argument. - Harriet Martineau

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking. - Deepak Chopra

Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Abundance and vigor of automatic movements are desirable, and even a considerable degree of restlessness is a good sign in young children. - G Stanley Hall

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Amish Prom Limo

Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine

One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata