#1 humor site on the 'net

Men's Vacuum Cleaner

Rare photo of a man vacuuming

Men's Vacuum Cleaner thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. - Christian Morgenstern

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

I still close my eyes and go home... I can always draw from that. - Dolly Parton

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

Don't ya know it's bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home? - Archie Bunker

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace. - Zig Ziglar

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to. - John E Pearce

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo. - George Bernard Shaw

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

I am a gypsy. I haven't had a home for a long time. Call me a homeless person - I just throw everything in a bag and I'm good to go. - Taylor Kinney

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill


Two Of Each

Napoleon

Tomorrow

You Turn

ThaiTanic

The Future of Social Media

Sunday Service Social Distancing

Tartan Headphones

Husband Quarantine

Aussie Salad

Greta on Chopsticks

Darkness Eliminator

Don't Touch Your Face

Pet Dentist

Falcon Resting in a Tree

Wine Day

Fishnet Table

Sink Lynx

No Swimming

Going Up

The Honey Truck

Flying is so Overrated

Wear Fur Without Killing Animals

Nutella Soother