Redneck Car Repair

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows. - Steven Wright

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade. - Tom Peters

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Moving doesn't change who you are. It only changes the view outside your window. - Rachel Hollis

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

We do not need to attend classroom training programs for everything. Observation opens the windows of knowledge around us. - Sukant Ratnakar

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

It was any outcast's nightmare. If I looked carefully, I suspected I might find it beneath the black paint of the small acrylic by the window. - Nancy Werlin

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright