Redneck Car Repair

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows. - Steven Wright

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade. - Tom Peters

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. - Ogden Nash

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

I stuck my head out the window this morning and spring kissed my bang in the face. - Langston Hughes

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

A habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window - or break down a door. - Brooke Shields

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright