Bubba truly outdid himself this year with his Christmas decorations. Many people came screaming to his house offering assistance. A 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder, and almost killed herself putting it against the house - was she ever ticked off when she found out that Bubba was fake!
QuotaBillsSanta's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown
A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter
There was nothing in the dark that wasn't there when the lights were on. - Rod Serling
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. - Omar N Bradley
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker
You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon