Swine Flew

Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. - Bill Maher

You want people to think you live in a pig's eye? - Archie Bunker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Robert A. Heinlein

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

I don't want a flu jab. I like getting flu. It gives me something else to complain about. - David Letterman

People were never "living with their disease." We cured them. Or they died from it. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

If he don't go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets, he'll be all right. - Archie Bunker

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield