Swine Flew

Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - The Devil Wears Prada

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. - Albert Einstein

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine. - Irwin Edman

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Equine Influenza: A viral respiratory disease which causes flu-like symptoms in horses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa

I don't want a flu jab. I like getting flu. It gives me something else to complain about. - David Letterman

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield