Swine Flew

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. - Bill Maher

You want people to think you live in a pig's eye? - Archie Bunker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Look a pig in its eyes, and understand the truth behind bacon. - Mango Wodzak

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I don't want a flu jab. I like getting flu. It gives me something else to complain about. - David Letterman

People were never "living with their disease." We cured them. Or they died from it. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. - Unknown

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

Alzheimer's disease starts when a protein that should be folded up properly misfolds into a kind of demented origami. - Gregory Petsko

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman