#1 humor site on the 'net

Amish Christmas Lights

Amazing Christmas light display in Lancaster County

Amish Christmas Lights thanks to Diane Baugh

You know very well that the Amish don't use electricity!

QuotaBills
He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

At Motel 6 in Amish Country, I wonder if they leave the light on for you? - Jay London

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I shall make electricity so cheap that only the rich can afford to burn candles. - Thomas Edison

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg

As an actor you become that lighting rod between the person who made the play and the audience. - Christopher Walken

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. - Lillian Carter

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit. - Gordon Parks

I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan


Baby Illusion

Mother Wrench's Gripping Story

Sechelt Sunrays

Russian BiteLifter

Propane Diving

Scuba Diving Sucks

Louisiana Turtle Dogs

Special Offer

Parking Squeeze

Music Note Chairlift

Gangsta

Reformed Buddhists

Redneck Mirror

Buddha Is Watching You

Antler Switch Plate

Together Since

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Indiana Bones

Raxe

Halloween Horse

Holding His Own Portraits

Kung Fu Driver

Ford Quadricycle

Redneck Hayride