QuotaBillsGolf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain
I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood
You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown
I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing. - Bette Midler
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers
Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown
Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown
I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
My favorite animal is a polar bear. They're going extinct, and I really don't want that to happen. - Quvenzhane Wallis
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump