#1 humor site on the 'net

Lean Two Friends

Rely on your partner to watch your back

Lean Two Friends thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. - Will Rogers

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vice-President: A cow's fifth teat. - Harry S Truman

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

Milk the cow but do not pull off the udder. - Greek Proverb

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Why buy a cow if you can get the milk for free. - English Proverb

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We can dance on pinheads till the cows come home. - Alastair Campbell

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Change is like a charging cow. Don't ignore it - milk it. - Andrew Leigh

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk. - Ogden Nash

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. - Grant Wood

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. - Tom Robbins

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy C Fisher

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I was in a sushi bar and it dawned on me - how could I discriminate between a cow and a fish? - Carre Otis

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Who Needs Physics?

Benched Puppies

Water Relief

Shot Glasses

Men in Denim

Chocolate Couch

Ant Attack

Extreme Pressure Cooker

Just Thinking

Nothing Wrong Picture

Lipstick Dog

Hair Strengthener

Whale Photobomb

World Peas

Hide and Seek

Hoodie Onesy

Going Around In Circles

Whiskey Jig

Redneck Mercedes

Hala Fruit

Hydro Water Power

Selfie Shoes

Tons Of Anarchy

Science World