Joe-ks.com
#1 humor site on the 'net
New Years Resolutions for Nerds
Computer geeks bring in the New Year
17. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
16. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
15. When I hear a funny joe-k I will not reply, “LOL... LOL!”
14. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
13. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 12 e-mail addresses.
12. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
11. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
10. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
8. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
7. I will stop using, “So, what's your URL?” as a pickup line.
6. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
5. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
4. I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.
3. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
2. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
1. My new fav URL is 216.139.242.31!
16. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
15. When I hear a funny joe-k I will not reply, “LOL... LOL!”
14. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
13. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 12 e-mail addresses.
12. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
11. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
10. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
8. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
7. I will stop using, “So, what's your URL?” as a pickup line.
6. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
5. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
4. I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.
3. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
2. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
1. My new fav URL is 216.139.242.31!
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs
Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, "It will be happier..." - Alfred Tennyson
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs
Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, "It will be happier..." - Alfred Tennyson
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised
Aisle Cleanup
His Dent
Car Surgeon
Slamming On Your Brakes
Need A Cigarette?
CardboardZilla
Weather Rock - For Accurate Forecasts
Water Taxi
Acapulco Waterfront Property
Just Blew It
Wouldn't want to scratch that fancy bed liner
Lunch Break
Digging One's Own Grave
See The Difference?
Gas and Dash
OctoMask
Bird on a Wire (past tense)
Workplace Hazards in Tasmania
Tiger On A Roll
Men's Golf Rules
Where Did He Go?
Sudden Invented Syndrome
Calculus Drinks