Ritz Nursing Home

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer