Road Press

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

The best road to progress is freedom's road. - John F Kennedy

The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

So many catastrophes in love are only accidents of egotism. - Hector Bianciotti

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

"To Start Press Any Key." Where's the ANY key? - Homer Simpson

What is the use of running when we are not on the right road? - German Proverb

No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back. - Turkish Proverb

Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press? - Steven Wright

If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there. - Lewis Carroll

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? - George Carlin

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

An opening statement is like a guide or a road map. It's a very delicate thing. - Johnnie Cochran

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

We're all pilgrims on the same journey, but some pilgrims have better road maps. - Nelson DeMille

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature but beautiful old people are works of art. - Unknown

Why endeavor to straighten the road of life? The faster we travel, the less there is to see. - Helen Hayes

He who would arrive at the appointed end must follow a single road and not wander through many ways. - Seneca

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Raise him a Luferan if you want, raise him a Norman with 7 wives, a holy roller, a Seventh Day Adventurer... - Archie Bunker

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Faithfulness is essential to the character of a friend: without this there can be no safety in intimacy with and confidence in him. - Samuel Hopkins

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz