#1 humor site on the 'net

Temperature Gauge

How cold was it last week in Vancouver?

Temperature Gauge thanks to Chris Johnson

Now that's cold!

QuotaBills
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

I detest him more than cold boiled veal. - Lord Macaulay

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. - Billy Graham

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Trouble came - as trouble so often does - with a monkey. - Paul Collins

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

There is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather. - Christina Rossetti

It is best to read the weather forecasts before we pray for rain. - Mark Twain

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

Yachting: standing in a cold shower tearing up hundred-dollar bills. - Unknown

Sadness is more or less like a head cold - with patience, it passes. - Barbara Kingsolver

People who take cold baths never have rheumatism, but they have cold baths. - American Proverb

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

I suppose the best kind of spring morning is the best weather God has to offer. - Dodie Smith

Grantartica: The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it. - Amelia Barr

Advice from your friends is like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad. - Unknown

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. - Kin Hubbard

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. - Corrie Ten Boom

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. - Robert Frost

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations - it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. - Stuart Keate

They invented the three-day bank holiday weekend because you can't lump all the bad weather into just Saturday and Sunday. - Unknown

Life is no different than the weather. Not only is it unpredictable, but it shows us a new perspective of the world every day. - Suzy Kassem

Don't knock the weather. Nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. - Kin Hubbard

Everyone knows that ice cream is worth the trouble of being cold. Like all things virtuous, you have to suffer to gain the reward. - Brandon Sanderson

The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it, and wrong too often for us to rely on it. - Patrick Young

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself. - Unknown

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump


Moldy Bible

Gyprock Prayer

Barn Art

Submarine Tea

NAACP Cover Up

Quad Shot

Princess Parking

Restaurant Wait-er

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

Butterfly Lens

Pentecost Sunday

Pike Mouth Nest

Improvise, Adapt, Overcome

Flower Lips

Bird Walker

Never Go Full Retard

Multi-Pilot Jet

Teethbrushes

Dinner Preparation: Here's looking at you!

Picture Perfect

Same Mistake Twice

How To Build A Fence

Horse-Back Riding

Social Distancing Fine