TP Kid

I like children - fried. - WC Fields

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare

One hour with a child is like a ten-mile run. - Joan B. Samuelson

I love children if they're cooked properly. - WC Fields

Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Teach the children so it will not be necessary to teach the adults. - Abraham Lincoln

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. - Ann Landers

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age. - William Feather

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration; the rest of us just get up and go to work. - Stephen King

As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

Eddie discovered one of his childhood's great truths. Grownups are the real monsters, he thought. - Stephen King

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I really do believe that God is love, one of deep affection and grace and forgiveness and inspiration. - William P Young

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - Paula Poundstone

Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies," there is a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead. - Sir James M. Barrie

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

It takes someone really brave to be a mother, someone strong to raise a child, and someone special to love someone more than herself. - Unknown

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller