#1 humor site on the 'net

TP Kid

Recycled TP - so much better when personalized

TP Kid thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Little Johnny's on a roll

QuotaBills
Success is the child of audacity. - Benjamin Disraeli

Adults are just outdated children. - Dr. Seuss

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

The soul is healed by being with children. - Fyodor Dostoyevski

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. - Quentin Crisp

Our greatest natural resource is the minds of our children. - Walt Disney

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. - Joe Houldsworth

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. - Maria Montessori

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - Neil Postman

I'm contributing to the, waddya call, on the loosincy of a child. - Archie Bunker

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work. - Chuck Close

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. - Dave Barry

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. - Hodding S. Carter

Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. - Aristotle

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

I've enjoyed many camping holidays with my sister and her children, but we're pretty posh campers. - Erin O'Connor

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - Paula Poundstone

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

If I had one wish for my children, it would be that each of them would reach for goals that have meaning for them as individuals. - Lillian Carter

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner


Sick Statue

I Will Never Understand Fashion

Courtesy Option

Ab Enhancer

Family Planning Advice

Cracks Me Up

Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing