#1 humor site on the 'net

Whose Problem

Who are you going to call - a plumber or electrician?

Whose Problem thanks to Wayne Nowazek

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Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

In the ant's house, the dew is a flood. - Danish Proverb

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

It's a sad house where the hen crows louder than the cock. - Scottish Proverb

Give a landlord an inch and he'll build an apartment house. - American Proverb

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Bricks may make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home. - Irish Proverb

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

Census Taker: A man who goes from house to house increasing the population. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. - Bible

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Lawyers are like painters - once they get into a house, you never know when you will get rid of them again. - Peter A Graham

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

Can we be casual in the work of God—casual when the house is on fire, and people in danger of being burned? - Duncan Campbell

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan


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