#1 humor site on the 'net

Beach Drag

Skidmarks in the sand

Beach Drag thanks to Keith Blake

Some days the water doesn't seem appealing

QuotaBills
Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

Wild hornets couldn't drag me there. - Archie Bunker

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

A roof stretching over the Atlantic Ocean. - Ernest Bevin

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Water that does not move is always shallow. - Sami Proverb

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? - Steven Wright

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. - Phyllis Diller

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! - Groucho Marx

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. - Malayan Proverb

If you don't become the ocean you'll be seasick every day. - Leonard Cohen

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen. - Dolly Parton

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on. - Louis L'Amour

If I swim in the ocean, I have a shark thought. Not a bad one, but just a little one. - Tea Leoni

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

When ya go out there in the water and ya start crossing your longirudes and lassitudes. - Archie Bunker

The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water. - Ernest Hemingway

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

I guess you would say I'd be like the Michael Phelps of swimming if he wasn't there. - Ryan Lochte

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Be ruthless about your calendar - stick to it, hell or high water but create space for unstructured time as well. - Arjun Arora

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. - Steven Wright

I was the equivalent of a 98 pound weakling. I would go to the beach and people would throw copies of Byron in my face! - Robin Williams

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Today was about chasing sun-rays, beach waves, and sunsets. All things beautiful that give you peace are worth chasing. Everything else isn't. - April M. Monterrosa


Friday the 13th

LadyNet

I Can Explain It

Parallel Parking Car

Frog Long Jumper's Rest Break

Road To Nowhere

Hobbit Love

Vibrations

On Short Notice

Octopi

Big Birthday Surprise

Cliff Side Camping

Childhood Obesity

Meccano Shoe

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

OCD Floor Tiles

Wedding Cake for Men

Baby Birth

Chicken Roost

Magnetic Personality

Cold Corners

Swiss Minigun

Underwater Plane

Fire Destroyed