#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Shopping List

For those who think it's better to give than receive

Christmas Shopping List thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

How to find people who aren't busy this Christmas

Lending a helping car during the holiday season

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Shopping is my cardio. - Carrie Bradshaw

Window Shopping: Eye browsing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

Eyebrows: What I do when I go shopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Tailor Shop: Last of the big-time menders - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Leanardo De Cappuccino: Founder, coffee shop chain - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. - Phyllis Diller

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn't walk to the donut shop. - Bill Murray

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

People shop and learn in a whole new way compared to just a few years ago, so marketers need to adapt or risk extinction. - Brian Halligan

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Shuttle Bus Driver

Tight FM Bandwidth

Boat Hurdles

Sign Model

In Stock Guarantee

Microslave: You're Not Going Anywhere Today

Homing Pigeon Sale

Extra Weight

Proof of Global Warming

Colgate Advertising Campaign

Ship Tow

Canadian Warship

Swiss Army Mega Tools

Canadian Smart Car

I Like Cooking

Balanced Meal

Acoustic Hearing Aids

Redneck Advent Calendar

Programmer Logic

Lego Haircut

Lettuce Face

Hammock Wine

Catch Anything Lately?

Dead Batteries