#1 humor site on the 'net

Dog Muzzle

The best muzzles - keeps both of them quiet

Dog Muzzle thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first. - Mignon McLaughlin

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Keyboard Seating

Bent Over

Whatchamacallit Car

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gone To Market

Peak Bernie

Female IT Experts

Obi-Juan Kenobi

Fuse ReplaceMeant

Student Food Strainer

IBITE

Slide-n-Freeze

Lizard Guitar

Electricity Storage

How To Sharpen Pencils

Chevforodge

Free Stuff

Baby Bird Chorus

Hang On

Home Depot Delivery

Sea Painting

Radish Camouflage

Canadian Twins

Big Birth - They Start Off Big At This Hospital