#1 humor site on the 'net

Genuine Fake Watches

When only the best will do for tourists

Genuine Fake Watches thanks to Rita Ewert

'Watch Out' when you shop in Ephesus

QuotaBills
Hot Time: A clock in an oven - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What are imitation rhinestones? - Steven Wright

Anything that consoles is fake. - Iris Murdoch

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere. - Jim Farley

That's a genuine fac-same-ully. - Archie Bunker

Genuine 100% chromonometer (a watch) - Archie Bunker

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Sympathy is a crutch. Never fake a limp. - Unknown

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. - Oscar Wilde

When everything gets answered, it's fake. - Sean Penn

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

How can I tell if humility is genuine or fake? - David J. Bobb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Tradition: A clock which tells what time it was. - Elbert Hubbard

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. - Warren Buffett

To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection. - Drake Edwards

Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day. - Polish Proverb

Rudeness if the weak man's imitation of strength. - Eric Hoffer

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. - Eric Hoffer

Don't watch the clock, do what it does. Keep going. - Sam Levenson

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

Men often applaud an imitation, and hiss the real thing. - Aesop

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again. - Bonnie Prudden

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley

You can't fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal. - William S. Burroughs

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people. - Warren Buffett

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus. - Martin Luther King

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. - Henny Youngman

The calendar and the clock are all set by football season and the off-season. - Tom Coughlin

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. - Jean-Paul Sartre

I shall make electricity so cheap that only the rich can afford to burn candles. - Thomas Edison

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

Personal judgments are like watches; none go just the same, yet each believes his own. - Alexander Pope

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never quite sure. - Lee Segall

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. - Paulo Coelho

I can't turn the clock back but I can seek the forgiveness of those I've wronged. - Richard Coles

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is. - Lou Duva

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

No person can be a great leader unless he takes genuine joy in the successes of those under him. - W.A. Nance

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

Indian people, we are proud of our cheapness. You are never gonna insult us by calling us cheap. - Russell Peters

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

I don't have an alarm clock. If someone needs to wake me up, then I have my BlackBerry next to me. - Mark Zuckerberg

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

I refuse to believe in three things: cash, clock, and calendar. You should never be enslaved by these three. - Sharad Sagar

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

Give me a Murphy bed, a Lazy Susan, a grandfather clock and a bulldog, and I will show you the meaning of comedy. - Jonathan Goldstein

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'. - Unknown

Without a sense of proportion there can be neither good taste nor genuine intelligence, no perhaps moral integrity. - Eric Hoffer

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning. - John Barrymore

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock. - Ronald Reagan

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mouse trap you set the night before. - Kin Hubbard

When we associate with the virtuous we form ourselves in imitation of their virtues, or at least lose, every day, something of our faults. - Agapet

Two important things are to have a genuine interest in people and to be kind to them. Kindness, I've discovered, is everything in life. - Isaac Bashevis Singer


Foot Race

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Lockdown Advice

Wii Way

Odor Detector

Associate Demonstration

Biden in the Oval Office

Poor Fishing Day

Mustache Breeze

Chain Weave Hairstyle

Jar of Birds

Wheely Unstable

Roman Segway Chariot

Rocky Orders

Snowmobile Races - Get There Early

Pocket Change

Welcome to Texas, USPS

Not Without A Washer

Jogger's Weight Scale

Toilet Snake

Eye Testing In Progress

Parent Signature

Long Bore Gun

Bird Cam