Grandma Not Welcome

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Friends are the family you choose. - Jennifer Aniston

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

Obscenity is whatever happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. - Bertrand Russell

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

The family you came from isn't as important as the family you're going to have. - Ring Lardner

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Every family story has 1,000 other stories contained within it, like an unending series of nesting dolls. - Alison Pick

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda