Hawaiian Surfboard Trade

Shopping is my cardio. - Carrie Bradshaw

Glamour is what I sell. It's my stock in trade. - Marlene Dietrich

Hawaii is not a state of mind, but a state of grace. - Paul Theroux

Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle