QuotaBillsMy trade and my art is living. - Michel De Montaigne
Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
I wouldn't trade you for all the cookies in the world. - Cookie Monster
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp
A protective tariff is a typical conspiracy in restraint of trade. - Thorstein Veblen
I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
If you want to keep a secret, don't whisper in your wife's ear. - Amish Saying
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton
A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
I wish I could trade my heart for another liver, so I could drink more and care less. - Tina Fey
Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people. - Donald Trump
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. - Donald Trump
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle