#1 humor site on the 'net

Marital Rating Chart - Wife

1939 marriage expectations - Calculate your wife's raw score

Marital Rating Chart - Wife thanks to Cherei McCarter

QuotaBills
Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Hare Brush: Used to groom a rabbit - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Call no man unhappy until he is married. - Socrates

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. - Joe E Lewis

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. - John C Maxwell

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


Dragon Playground

Redneck Boat Ramp

Jack-A-Lope vs Jack-E-Lope

Urleen

Carry On or Carrion?

Selfie Pilot

Monarch Butterflies - Starting a Monarchy

Air Couch

Europe Road Trip

Thongthing Special

Nighttime Graffiti

Baby Formula

Kid Suction

Redneck Moving Truck

Critter Control

Lost Dog

Nail Chair

Looking For Something?

Yellow Pet

Race Break

Fuse Bypass

Good Boy

British Tea Party

Roadside Assistance