Marital Rating Chart - Wife

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Hare Brush: Used to groom a rabbit - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Call no man unhappy until he is married. - Socrates

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. - Joe E Lewis

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. - John C Maxwell

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx