#1 humor site on the 'net

McDonald's New Customer

Serving even obstinate customers

McDonald's New Customer thanks to Keith Blake

Bubba likes going to McDonald's even though his ass doesn't

QuotaBills
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus

Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

Monogamy: A synonym for monotony. - Gregory Nunn

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

I'm a supporter of my free speech. - Howard Stern

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. - Larry Wall

A sage thing is timely silence, and better than any speech. - Plutarch

Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together. - Max Eastman

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. - Gail Godwin

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

Language: The blood of the soul into which thoughts run, and out of which they grow - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

In the places I go there are things that I see that I never could spell if I stopped with the Z. - Dr. Seuss

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech. - Franklin P Jones

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker. - Frederick Douglass

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. - Unknown

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton


Tree Removal

Happy Billionaire Halloween

Almost Done

Halloween Transformers

Latte Defined

Bush Zombie

Clean Windows Are Highly Over-rated

Cutting Off Board

Eat Your Dinner!

Hormone Guide

Gun Laws

Pumpkin-Themed Baby Announcement

Wolfermelon

Car Axident

Centipede Pumpkin

Hiding Horse

How To Enjoy Pumpkin Beer

Bourbon Shampoo

Goat Bike

Food Art

Rednecks At Play

She's A Keeper

Algebra Relationship

Pumpkin Races