#1 humor site on the 'net

Microsoft Messenger - Prototype

New plans for Mac interface up in smoke

Microsoft Messenger - Prototype thanks to Mel Hardman

QuotaBills
The computer is a moron. - Peter F Drucker

Defect-free software does not exist. - Wietse Venema

Computer viruses should count as life. - Stephen Hawking

You can't write poetry on the computer. - Quentin Tarantino

Oh, so they have internet on computers now! - Homer Simpson

I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray. - Seymoure Cray

None loves the messenger who brings bad news. - Sophocles

We don't need nukes. We have the internet. - Alice Minium

The internet is a great way to get on the net. - Bob Dole

I took the initiative in creating the internet. - Al Gore

Real Soon Now: When the software will be shipped - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Computer logic is no substitute for human wisdom. - Unknown

Mobile is a lot closer to TV than it is to desktop. - Mark Zuckerberg

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. - Stephen King

People will believe anything they read on the internet. - Abraham Lincoln

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. - Stephen Fry

It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows. - Steven Wright

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

The computer is down. I hope it's something serious. - Stanton Delaplane

The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity. - Clifford Stoll

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. - Robert Orben

One hundred million dollars is way too much to pay for Microsoft. - Unknown

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich

Checkpoint: A location from which the programmer draws his salary. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm. - Alan Perlis

The Internet treats censorship as a malfunction and routes around it. - John P Barlow

Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before. - Mignon McLaughlin

On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the 'escape' key. - Unknown

Start an editorial calendar that everyone involved in your blog can access. - Kristi Hines

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

People who are really serious about software should make their own hardware. - Alan Kay

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

No matter what, the very first piece of social media real estate I'd start with is a blog. - Chris Brogan

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Feature Creep: 1. The bloating of software with too many features; 2. A nasty software developer. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public. - Douglas Coupland

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

It's hard for me to imagine why a church that has younger members wouldn't have a blog component. - Mark Batterson

The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life. - Andrew Brown

I use a computer. I don't know if that qualifies me as a techie, but I'm pretty good on the computer. - Leonard Nimoy

The Internet has turned what used to be a controlled, one-way message into a real-time dialogue with millions. - Danielle Sacks

Just as we could have rode into the sunset, along came the Internet, and it tripled the significance of the PC. - Andy Grove

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. - Milton Berle

Man is the cheapest 150-pound nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. - NASA

Word-of-mouth marketing has always been important. Today, it's more important than ever because of the Internet. - Newt Barrett

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda

People enjoy the interaction on the internet, and the feeling of belonging to a group that does something interesting. - Linus Torvalds

The new information technology (Internet and e-mail) have practically eliminated the physical costs of communications. - Peter F Drucker

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

From sixdegrees to Friendster to Facebook, social networking has become a familiar and ubiquitous part of the Internet. - David Kirkpatrick

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. - Penn Jillette

Just think how far we've come in the 20th Century. The man who used to be a cog in the wheel is now a digit in the computer. - Robert Fuoss

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. - Dave Barry

The day I made that statement, about inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the camcorder. - Al Gore

Boat Anchor: 1. Thrown out when you need it, and taken in when you don't; 2. An old computer so useless that it needs to go to sea. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie

The majority of people who don't have Internet don't have the Internet because they don't know why they want to use the Internet. - Mark Zuckerberg

For the past 10 years, corporations have been trained that they should use all the different media. But the Internet is becoming the umbrella. - Larry Weber

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney

Bill Gates has always been a mentor and inspiration for me even before I knew him. Just growing up, I admired how Microsoft was mission-focused. - Mark Zuckerberg

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright


Dream The Impossible

When Life Gets You Down

Redneck Estate Sale

How To Tweet Others

Nutella Soother

Autumn Camouflage

Go Play Outside

Be Someone

Arkansas Divorce Application

Three Finger Carrot

Braided Horse Tail

Owl Glove

Far North Cable Guys

Openish Hours

Lead Sled Dog

Pet Food Tester

Gold Bar Carrot Cake

Looking For A Mate

Food For Thought

Kanye Twitty

Skull Tentacles

Ukrainian Cattle Car

CreepEye

Canadian Whiskey