Prison Santa

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Police do not belong in war zones. - Daniel K Moran

Not failure, but low aim, is crime. - J. R. Lowell

All people look better under arrest. - John Waters

Procrastination is the thief of time. - Edward Young

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Goose Bumps: To keep geese from speeding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Suspicion often creates what it suspects. - C S Lewis

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. - G. Gordon Liddy

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. - William Shakespeare

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I think crime pays. The hours are good, and you travel a lot. - Woody Allen

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Police Station: A place where sleeping is all right in a pinch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused. - Freda Adler

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

It is a lot harder now to be a police officer than what it used to be. - Steven Seagal

Save a thief from the gallows and he will be the first to cut your throat. - Italian Proverb

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown

Prison is the worst experience I've ever had in my life - besides death. - Duane Chapman

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

I am kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J.D. Salinger

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

Tabloid: 1. A newspaper with a permanent crime wave; 2. A screamlined newspaper. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

It's a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime. - Archie Bunker

Let's commit the perfect crime. I'll steal your heart, and you steal mine. - Meryl Streep

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Police: The only people who are paid to go around pinching people in the wrong places - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed. - Anthony Powell

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue: it is an intellectual crime. - Imre Lakatos

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde

You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts. - Unknown

When a man commits the same crime twice, and is not punished, it seems to him permissible. - Talmud

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. - Josh Billings

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The police feel that most of the public are against them and that there is a lot of bad feeling. - Peter James

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

A police force, wherever they are, is made up of amazing people, and I respect them a great deal. - Nancy McKeon

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business. - Will Rogers

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals. - Ronnie Corbett

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Many commit the same crime with very different results. One bears a cross for his crime, the other a crown. - Juvenal

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

The true identity theft is not financial. It's not in cyberspace. It's spiritual. It's been taken. - Stephen Covey

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

At the end of a marathon, it's going to hurt whether you're speeding up or slowing down. You may as well push. - Summer Sanders

I'm being kidnapped by a comforter, sheet and pillow. No need to call the police for I will be released by morning. - Unknown

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men. - Clement Freud

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

One of the fondest expressions around is that we can't be the world's policeman. But guess who gets called when suddenly someone needs a cop. - Colin Powell