Prison Santa

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

The crime of loving is forgetting. - Maurice Chevalier

All people look better under arrest. - John Waters

Procrastination is the thief of time. - Edward Young

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

An art thief is a man who takes pictures. - George Carlin

Suspicion often creates what it suspects. - C S Lewis

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one? - Ted Allan

The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar. - Cathy Guisewite

He who has reaped the profits has committed the crime. - Seneca

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. - William Shakespeare

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I think crime pays. The hours are good, and you travel a lot. - Woody Allen

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused. - Freda Adler

Don King is a big ... thief, and everyone in this room knows it. - Donald Trump

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

It is a lot harder now to be a police officer than what it used to be. - Steven Seagal

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I'm wrong. - Kin Hubbard

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram

Outside of the killings, D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

Tabloid: 1. A newspaper with a permanent crime wave; 2. A screamlined newspaper. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed. - Anthony Powell

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde

You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts. - Unknown

When a man commits the same crime twice, and is not punished, it seems to him permissible. - Talmud

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

He was always late on principle; his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time. - Oscar Wilde

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. - Josh Billings

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

A police force, wherever they are, is made up of amazing people, and I respect them a great deal. - Nancy McKeon

Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. - Dan Duva

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business. - Will Rogers

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals. - Ronnie Corbett

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Many commit the same crime with very different results. One bears a cross for his crime, the other a crown. - Juvenal

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

The true identity theft is not financial. It's not in cyberspace. It's spiritual. It's been taken. - Stephen Covey

The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him. - G K Chesterton

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be. - Oscar Wilde

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

There is a blessed necessity by which the interest of men is always driving them to the right, and making all crime mean and ugly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men. - Clement Freud

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

When you have police officers who abuse citizens, you erode public confidence in law enforcement. That makes the job of good police officers unsafe. - Mary F Berry