Sleigh Broke Down

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Budget: a way of going broke methodically. - Groucho Marx

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. - Unknown

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

That's the straw that broke the camel's neck. - Archie Bunker

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

It's the final straw that broke the camel's back. - English Proverb

The person who broke you can't be the one to fix you. - Unknown

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Homer Simpson

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. - Mark Twain

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. - Robin Williams

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is only a temporary situation. - Mike Todd

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Human beings will line up for miles to buy a bucket of catastrophes, but don't try selling sunshine and light; you'll go broke. - Chuck Jones