Sports Hernias

Sports is human life in microcosm. - Howard Cosell

Hockey is figure skating in a war zone. - Unknown

Victor: Your football team's weekly opponent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Insurance is for people who don't have money. - Neil Zukerman

Education costs money. But then so does ignorance. - Claus Moser

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. - W.J. Vogel

When it comes to corruption, nothing succeeds like money. - American Proverb

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. - Jonathan Swift

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. - Jay Leno

Ninety percent of hockey is mental and the other half is physical. - Wayne Gretzky

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on. - Kin Hubbard

An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all. - Socrates

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? - Steven Wright

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

Football Season: The time of the year when girls whistle at men in sweaters - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't care how much money you have, free stuff is always a good thing. - Queen Latifah

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis

The man who never has money to pay his debts has too much of something else. - J.L. Basford

My goal was to play in the NHL, because that is the best hockey in the world. - Jaromir Jagr

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster

So like any football or basketball coach, you always believe you're going to win. - Colin Powell

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

They say love is more important than money. Have you tried paying your bills with a hug? - Dave Chapelle

I started out as a football player. I liked to inflict pain. In basketball, it was the same thing. - Shaquille O'Neal

I think the thing you always got to keep in mind, you know, hockey is a game of one-on-one battles. - Mark Messier

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. - Rita Rudner

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell. - WC Fields

I don't make deals for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. - Donald Trump

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

My family didn't have a lot of money, and I'm grateful for that. Money is the longest route to happiness. - Evangeline Lilly

Keeping books on social aid is capitalistic nonsense. I just use the money for the poor. I can't stop to count it. - Evita Peron

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

We spend money we don't have, on things we don't need, to make impressions that don't last, on people we don't care about. - Tim Jackson

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't need to advertise it. - Will Rogers

I have respect for Senator McCain. I used to like him a lot. I supported him. I raised a lot of money for his campaign against President Obama. - Donald Trump

Playoff hockey is the best way to market your team. It's the best way to grow your fan base and give hope to your players and for them to develop. - Steve Yzerman