#1 humor site on the 'net

Straight From The Cow

Bypassing the middleman on the farm

Straight From The Cow thanks to Carlene Hanson

Drinking Milk in India

Straight From The Cow thanks to Carlene Hanson

Drinking Milk in the United States

Where more than a mouthful is a waste

QuotaBills
Spilt Milk: Udder waste - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In the dark, all cows are black. - German Proverb

Ice Cream: What I do when scared - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. - Will Rogers

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain

Vice-President: A cow's fifth teat. - Harry S Truman

Milk the cow but do not pull off the udder. - Greek Proverb

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? - George Carlin

Why buy a cow if you can get the milk for free. - English Proverb

Have patience! In time, even grass becomes milk. - Charan Singh

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos. - Don Kardong

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

It is not well for a man to pray cream and live skim milk. - Henry Ward Beecher

Change is like a charging cow. Don't ignore it - milk it. - Andrew Leigh

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx

Stable: A command given to make a male cow remain in one place - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

Things are seldom what they seem. Skim milk masquerades as cream. - W S Gilbert

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. - Grant Wood

Life is too short to eat vanilla ice cream and dance with boring men. - Unknown

I'm against a homogenized society, because I want the cream to rise. - Robert Frost

If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader. Sell ice cream. - Steve Jobs

I was in a sushi bar and it dawned on me - how could I discriminate between a cow and a fish? - Carre Otis

Growing up, I'd just be at home, playing tennis, spending my allowance on an ice-cream truck. - Venus Williams

Flour and butter, cream and sugar, words and images - all the ingredients for a rich, tasty story. - Rona Simmons

When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

I asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?" He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass." - Phyllis Diller

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull. - Ralph Nader

Everyone knows that ice cream is worth the trouble of being cold. Like all things virtuous, you have to suffer to gain the reward. - Brandon Sanderson

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A lot of people think Passover just means you can't eat bread. But it's so much more than that. I love ice cream, but it has corn syrup in it, so I can't eat it. - Marsha Cohen

Boston is the cream of the crops of the marathon world. It has such history that you feel such honor just being a part of it. All the other races have pacers to get you to a Boston qualifying time. - Summer Sanders

I never waited for my Irish Cream coffee to be the right temperature, with a storm happening outside and my fireplace crackling... I wrote every day, at home, in the office, whether I felt like it or not. - Stephen J. Cannell


Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine

One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation