#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas Cow Cleaner

Bubba provides mooving hairstyles for his cattle

Texas Cow Cleaner thanks to Keith Blake

Manicure for Daisy

QuotaBills
Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. - Will Rogers

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain

Milk the cow but do not pull off the udder. - Greek Proverb

Why buy a cow if you can get the milk for free. - English Proverb

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx

The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield. - Lefty Gomez

Mrs. O'Leary's cow is sorry, but Cleveland burned anyway. - Archie Bunker

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk. - Ogden Nash

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. - Grant Wood

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth

You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. - Tom Robbins

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner. - Andrew Malcolm

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner. - Sophia Loren

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. - Erma Bombeck

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

I love eating sushi and eating raw and clean - no pasta and bread. Low carbs is what works for me. - Christine Teigen

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing? - Katherine Whitehorn

Prejudice, a dirty word, and faith, a clean one, have something in common: they both begin where reason ends. - Harper Lee

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

The nice thing about being detained in Canada is it's like being in a Days Inn; it's very clean and very nice. - Bill Ayers

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull. - Ralph Nader

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion... I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut

The darn trouble with cleaning the house is it gets dirty the next day anyway, so skip a week if you have to. The children are the most important thing. - Barbara Bush

You're a woman who's been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night. - Groucho Marx

Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day. - Simone de Beauvoir

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical. - Unknown

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday. - John Wayne

I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home. I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby. - Nancie J. Carmody


Ship Shipping Ships

Seal Survival

The Power Of Faith

Jesus Was Here

Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Pine Trees Know When It's Easter

Beware Of Who Is Watching Over Your Church

Handicap Ramp

Kick Out Boxing

Patience and Wisdom

Submarine Racing

Dead Sea Burgers

Sick Statue

I Will Never Understand Fashion

Courtesy Option

Ab Enhancer

Family Planning Advice

Cracks Me Up

Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read