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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Damn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
Welfare incipients - Archie Bunker

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

Self-government won't work without self-discipline. - Paul Harvey

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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