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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Damn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. - Danny Kaye

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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