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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Dogmatic: Run by canine power. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Government cannot and must not replace private initiative. - Kim Campbell

Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. - John Rooney

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare. - Edmund Burke

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford


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