Baby Hatching

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

The Child is father of the Man. - William Wordsworth

It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare

One hour with a child is like a ten-mile run. - Joan B. Samuelson

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

When I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid. - Quentin Crisp

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Creative play is like a spring that bubbles up from deep within a child. - Joan Almon

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. - Dave Barry

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed in man. - Rabindranath Tagore

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

The vivacity of children is always charming, because it is always sincere. A grave child is a rose without fragrance. - Unknown

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well. - Martin Luther

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason; to always be curious; and to fight tirelessly for something. - Paulo Coelho

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik