Birth Control At Its Finest

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. - Rodney Dangerfield

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? - Benny Hill

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps. - Jimmy Kimmel

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

There are some things in life where it's better to receive than to give, and massage is one of them. - Al Michaels

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Oscar Wilde

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

The climate, the economic situation, rising birth rates; none of these things give me a lot of hope or reason to be optimistic. - David Attenborough

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience? - Mother Teresa

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield