Birth Control At Its Finest

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

Borscht: Beet soup with high blood pressure - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. - Albert Einstein

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps. - Jimmy Kimmel

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler