Birth Control At Its Finest

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

There are some things in life where it's better to receive than to give, and massage is one of them. - Al Michaels

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali