Birth Control At Its Finest

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. - Hubert H Humphrey

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

After your death, you will be what you were before your birth. - Arthur Schopenhauer

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Oscar Wilde

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience? - Mother Teresa

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart