Birth Control At Its Finest

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung