Birth Control At Its Finest

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience? - Mother Theresa

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer