#1 humor site on the 'net

Chu Your Food Well

Dentist invitation for well-used dentures

Chu Your Food Well thanks to Karen Moore

Aptonym du Jour

QuotaBills
Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Music is the universal language of mankind. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

To play billiards well is a sign of ill-spent youth. - Charles Roupell

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority. - Alfred Adler

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. - Gail Godwin

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

To be satisfied with yourself is a sure sign that your forward motion has stopped. - Unknown

There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. - Mark Burnett

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own powers. - Mother Teresa

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

Some tortures are physical
And some are mental,
But the one that is both
is dental. - Ogden Nash

It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence. - C S Lewis

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking. - Deepak Chopra

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


Texas Wal-Mart Shopper

Walk Sign Ending

Kid Straps

Redneck Water Heater

Bike Comb

Programmer Logic

Team Foosball

Slow Down Sign

Bike Chaser

NFL Referees

No Go Intersection

Staple Diet

Darth Vader Dog

PacMan Lights

Uncommon Name

DMV Office

Meat You In The Locker Room

Football Chicks

Baby's Dog Rug

Chair Folders

Seeing Eye Cat

Swim Fingers

Vatican Wall

Computer Multitasker - He Be Da' Man!