#1 humor site on the 'net

Commemorative Pistol

Congress adopts new policy for gun control

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the United States Senate and the House of Representatives. It will be named the 'Congressman.' It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
Commemorative Pistol thanks to Jim Serritella

Ruger's new firearm shoots close to home

QuotaBills
Never argue with a woman, a winner, or a weapon. - Frank Dane

Aim high and you won’t shoot your foot off. - Phyllis Diller

Hunting: the least honorable form of war on the weak. - Paul Richard

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. - Oscar Wilde

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible. - Oscar Wilde

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

You can figure out what the villain fears by his choice of weapons. - Connie Brockway

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

You can get a lot farther with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone. - Al Capone

Leadership is intangible, and therefore no weapon ever designed can replace it. - Omar N. Bradley

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. - Paul Rodriguez

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

While I love shooting in New York City, I look forward to filming season six in Los Angeles. - Donald Trump

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

You could say that the paparazzi and the tabloids are sort of the assault weapons of the First Amendment. - Charlton Heston

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded. - Tyne Daly

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product. - Leonard Nimoy

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. - Simon Wiesenthal

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called 'hunting for your spectacles.' - Edward Grey

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

You've probably got a device on you that can shoot decent video, so what's stopping you? Capture and share some moments. - Steve Garfield

It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. - Robin Williams

When I came back to Dublin, I was courtmartialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. - Ernest Hemingway

Sex is like an atom bomb. A potent weapon which fascinates and frightens. We're afraid to let it loose, yet we all have our finger on the button. - Zeena Schreck


New Air Canada Seats

Texas Wal-Mart Shopper

Walk Sign Ending

Kid Straps

Redneck Water Heater

Bike Comb

Programmer Logic

Team Foosball

Slow Down Sign

Bike Chaser

NFL Referees

No Go Intersection

Staple Diet

Darth Vader Dog

PacMan Lights

Uncommon Name

DMV Office

Meat You In The Locker Room

Football Chicks

Baby's Dog Rug

Chair Folders

Seeing Eye Cat

Swim Fingers

Vatican Wall