#1 humor site on the 'net

Commemorative Pistol

Congress adopts new policy for gun control

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the United States Senate and the House of Representatives. It will be named the 'Congressman.' It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
Commemorative Pistol thanks to Jim Serritella

Ruger's new firearm shoots close to home

QuotaBills
Shoot folly as it flies. - Alexander Pope

Silence is the ultimate weapon of power. - Charles de Gaulle

Never argue with a woman, a winner, or a weapon. - Frank Dane

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Hunting: the least honorable form of war on the weak. - Paul Richard

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

I am proud of the fact that I never invented weapons to kill. - Thomas Edison

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? - George Carlin

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

You can figure out what the villain fears by his choice of weapons. - Connie Brockway

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

You can get a lot farther with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone. - Al Capone

Leadership is intangible, and therefore no weapon ever designed can replace it. - Omar N. Bradley

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. - Paul Rodriguez

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

Praise is the weapon God gives you to leverage the negative circumstances of your life. - David Evans

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed. - Joseph Stalin

Consultants are people who come down from the hill to shoot the wounded after the battle is over. - Doc Blakeley

You could say that the paparazzi and the tabloids are sort of the assault weapons of the First Amendment. - Charlton Heston

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. - Simon Wiesenthal

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The Supreme Court's only armor is the cloak of public trust; its sole ammunition, the collective hopes of our society. - Irving R. Kaufman

You've probably got a device on you that can shoot decent video, so what's stopping you? Capture and share some moments. - Steve Garfield

It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. - Robin Williams

When I came back to Dublin, I was courtmartialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan

Sex is like an atom bomb. A potent weapon which fascinates and frightens. We're afraid to let it loose, yet we all have our finger on the button. - Zeena Schreck


Jarred Cat

Frog Waltz

SinkHole Pickup

Always Use Your Mirrors

Johnny On The Pot's Plumber Truck

Wrench Wheel

Bonsai Fruit Tree

Bussines Gaurd

Saxy Shoe

Mayweather Momma

What's Holding You Back?

Final Exams In North Korea

ORCAstraighted

'Outside The Box' Juggler

HeidleBurger

Sun Skin Tone

I Think I'll Just Go Around

People Of The River

Synonym Rolls

New Stormtrooper

Education Standstill

Pool Cleaner

Stool There

Soldier Tribute