#1 humor site on the 'net

Cow Gate

Proof of livestock intelligence in Texas

Cow Gate thanks to Barry McCartney

Illiterate cattle not welcome at this farm

QuotaBills
Organic Farm: Tilling like it is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away. - Bob Metcalfe

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain

The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements

Vice-President: A cow's fifth teat. - Harry S Truman

Trespassers prosecuted - please shut the gate. - Unknown

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

We can dance on pinheads till the cows come home. - Alastair Campbell

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

I had rather be on my farm than be emperor of the world. - George Washington

Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness. - Unknown

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 P.M., never at 5 A.M. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk. - Ogden Nash

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

Mankind has a free will; but it is free to milk cows and to build houses, nothing more. - Martin Luther

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

Humility before the flower at the timber line is the gate which gives access to the path up the open fell. - Dag Hammarskjold

Both in thought and in feeling, even though time be real, to realise the unimportance of time is the gate of wisdom. - Bertrand Russell

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind. - Virginia Woolf

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Perseverance is a great element of success; if you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering, stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. - Dylan Moran

The other day I dreamed that I was at the gates of heaven.
And Saint Peter said, "Go back to Earth. There are no slums up here." - Mother Teresa

Join voices, all ye living souls: ye birds,
That singing up to heaven-gate ascend,
Bear on your wings and in your notes his praise. - John Milton


Hot Seat

LippoPotumus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Senior's Golf Cart

Throwaway Sport Paper

Blonde Geometry Student

Ping Wrong

Tree House

Skull Violins

Finger Phone

Family Bike

Airless See-Through Tires

Aussie Motorcycle

Statue Selfie

Bacon Sandwich

Elephant Hand

Unless Your Dog Can Do This

Dragon Buoy

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Bird Melons

Local Crabs

Black Golfer

Ostrich Imprint

Tea Party Weapon