Have A Seat, Mr. Bond

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Inflation: everyone's illusion of wealth - Unknown

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. - Noam Chomsky

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer