How Much Time Left

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz