#1 humor site on the 'net

Israeli TSA

Perfect solution for airport security

Israeli TSA thanks to Keith Blake

Eliminates need for full-body scanning

QuotaBills
If you've got a talent, protect it. - Jim Carrey

IN GOD WE TRUST: All others we virus scan - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is not death that alarms me, but dying. - Michel De Montaigne

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Protect your enthusiasm from the negativity of others. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own. - Clare B Luce

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

Idealism, alas, does not protect one from ignorance, dogmatism, and foolishness. - Sidney Hook

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

Real joy seems to me almost as unlike security or prosperity as it is unlike agony. - C S Lewis

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness. - Jonathan S Foer

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

It took one night to get Israel out of Egypt but forty years to get Egypt out of Israel. - George Morrison

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. - Sigmund Freud

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. - Ambrose Bierce

If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix social security, that's not a very good starting point. - Rob Portman

Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are. - David Letterman

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself if you wish to get others. - David Seabury

Israel is still the only country in the world against which there is a written document to the effect that it must disappear. - Menachem Begin

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

My best security is within the munitions of an immutable Jehovah, where His unalterable promises stand like giant walls of rock. - Charles H Spurgeon

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling


Never Run a Red Light

Bee Safe

Hummers Only Look Tough

Tactical Texas

Defence Budget Cuts

Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection

Public Transportation In Scotland

Guarded Nights

Financial Meltdown

Fox Kabob

Microwaved Bulb... Watts You Won't See

Saks-e Parking Job

Griller Bees

Texting While Cycling

Redneck Manicure

Police Profiling In Canada

Tree Stand