#1 humor site on the 'net

Jogger's Weight Scale

Diet plans for the heavy of foot

Jogger's Weight Scale thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Wait for Weight invitation

QuotaBills
A fat purse never lacks friends. - Unknown

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Love is, or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. - Toni Morrison

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Desperation is a fellow shaving before stepping on the scales. - Unknown

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60. - Jack Nicholson

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other. - Unknown

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate. - Jarod Kintz

Gratitude is a twofold love - love coming to visit us, and love running out to greet a welcome guest. - Henry Van Dyke

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says when he's in love, drunk or running for office. - Shirley Maclaine

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Running! If there's any activity happier, more exhilarating, more nourishing to the imagination, I can't imagine what it might be. - Joyce Carol Oates

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Milk of Amnesia

Foot-Ball

Exhausted Baby

Open Air Wiring

Miss Chernobyl 2004

Fish Lips

Easy Mopping

African Lunch

Structural Books

Honda Boxer Engine

Sick Tombstone

No Drip

Gun Leash

Whole Human

Antler Field

Moon Football

Bike Rack

Straight From The Cow

Surf-In Lunch Snack

Lateral Thinking

Da Hood Shirt

Quiet Place To Study

No Beatle Haircuts

Lego Anatomy