Late Lecture

Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci

To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes

Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel

Smoking means always having to say you're sorry. - Tom Ferguson

One of the many pleasures of old age is giving things up. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age. - Christopher Morley

The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. - Oscar Wilde

Old age at least gives me an excuse for not being very good at things. - Thomas Sowell

Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism. - Ed Howe

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Advanced old age is when you sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. - Eliakim Katz

How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete. - C S Lewis

W.C. Fields has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled. - Gene Fowler

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Smoking won't send you to hell; it'll just make it like you've been there. - Phil Callaway

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie

You can lead audiences to a half-dressed, aging pop star but you can't make them watch. - Megan Basham

My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Three hundred years of humiliation, abuse and deprivation cannot be expected to find voice in a whisper. - Martin Luther King Jr

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir

Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. - C S Lewis

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan