Late Lecture

Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci

Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Men will let you abuse them only if you make them laugh. - Henry Ward Beecher

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller

Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain

It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe

While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown