Late Lecture

Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis

Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Men will let you abuse them only if you make them laugh. - Henry Ward Beecher

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller

Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

In terms of being late or not starting at all, then it's never too late. - Alison Headley

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare

Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato