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No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

English Wrestling Champion: A lord of the ring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

England can never be ruined except by a Parliament. - Lord Burleigh

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you. - Alan Bennett

The monarchical institution in England is immensely valuable. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

What Great Britain calls the Far East is to us the near north. - Robert Gordon Menzies

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day. - W Somerset Maugham

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time. - David Coleman

Britain's most useful role is somewhere between bee and dinosaur. - Harold MacMillan

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

In the Moscow Olympics, Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion's race. - David Coleman

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

If you don't try to win you might as well hold the Olympics in somebody's backyard. - Jesse Owens

The noblest prospect which a Scotsman ever sees is the high road that leads him to England. - Samuel Johnson

The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income. - George Bernard Shaw

Diatribe: 1. An extinct race; 2. The group of native Brits that worship the late Princess Diana. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool - in a small motor launch. - Peter Cook

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done. - Ronnie Corbett

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

The English eat all sorts of birds - pigeons, ducks, sparrows - but if you tell them you eat puffin, you might as well come from Mars. - Bjork

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin