Men's Golf Rules

Golf is a good walk spoiled. - H.S. Scrivener

Absentee: A missing golfing peg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle