#1 humor site on the 'net

Money Machine

It takes your money and gives you nothing in return - sound familiar?

Money Machine thanks to Mike King

Vending machines with big appetites

Financial relationship for a couple gone wrong

QuotaBills
Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

A fool and his money are soon partying. - Steven Wright

I find all this money a considerable burden. - J Paul Getty

Here's the money for our patentcy (patent). - Archie Bunker

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. - W.J. Vogel

Fidelity bought with money can be overcome by money. - Seneca

Money does not make you happy but it quiets the nerves. - Sean O Casey

I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. - Joe Louis

When a habit begins to cost money, it's called a hobby. - Jewish Proverb

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. - Jonathan Swift

The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food. - Russia Proverb

Business? It's quite simple. It's other people's money. - Alexandre Dumas

An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all. - Socrates

What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? - Homer Simpson

The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. - Jim Carrey

I'm worth far too much money. I don't need anybody's money. - Donald Trump

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go. - Humphrey Bogart

The man who never has money to pay his debts has too much of something else. - J.L. Basford

Borrowed thoughts, like borrowed money, only show the poverty of the borrower. - Lady Marguerite Blessington

Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. - Will Rogers

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope

Divorce = Rebirth: forget the past, replan your life, improve your appearance & rejuvenate! - Rossana Condoleo

Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is, I don't know which half. - John Wannamaker

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. - Kin Hubbard

The only reason I'm in Hollywood is that I don't have the moral courage to refuse the money. - Marlon Brando

Money frees you from doing things you dislike.
Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one. - Homer Simpson

We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson

Anything which is physically possible can always be made financially possible; money is a bugaboo of small minds. - Robert A. Heinlein

We so often achieve success or financial independence after the chief reason for which we sought it has passed away. - Ellen Glasgow

Always remember money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense. - Earl Wilson

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


Cat Dugout

Open Drive Through

Secret Revealed

Tired Flagpole

Bent Car Sculpture

Cow Jacket

Thanks For Noticing

Overflow Truck Garden

Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox

Pre-Dinner Photography

Curses, Foiled Again

Ant Virus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Bird's Eye View