Money Machine

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

A fool and his money are soon partying. - Steven Wright

I find all this money a considerable burden. - J Paul Getty

Here's the money for our patentcy (patent). - Archie Bunker

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. - W.J. Vogel

Fidelity bought with money can be overcome by money. - Seneca

Money does not make you happy but it quiets the nerves. - Sean O Casey

I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. - Joe Louis

When a habit begins to cost money, it's called a hobby. - Jewish Proverb

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. - Jonathan Swift

The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food. - Russia Proverb

Business? It's quite simple. It's other people's money. - Alexandre Dumas

An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all. - Socrates

What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? - Homer Simpson

The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. - Jim Carrey

I'm worth far too much money. I don't need anybody's money. - Donald Trump

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go. - Humphrey Bogart

The man who never has money to pay his debts has too much of something else. - J.L. Basford

Borrowed thoughts, like borrowed money, only show the poverty of the borrower. - Lady Marguerite Blessington

Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. - Will Rogers

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope

Divorce = Rebirth: forget the past, replan your life, improve your appearance & rejuvenate! - Rossana Condoleo

Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is, I don't know which half. - John Wannamaker

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. - Kin Hubbard

The only reason I'm in Hollywood is that I don't have the moral courage to refuse the money. - Marlon Brando

Money frees you from doing things you dislike.
Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one. - Homer Simpson

We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson

Anything which is physically possible can always be made financially possible; money is a bugaboo of small minds. - Robert A. Heinlein

We so often achieve success or financial independence after the chief reason for which we sought it has passed away. - Ellen Glasgow

Always remember money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense. - Earl Wilson

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer