Parking Forever

Parking is such street sorrow. - Herb Caen

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Broom parking only; all others will be toad. - Unknown

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it. - Unknown

Diamonds are only lumps of coal that stuck to their jobs. - Malcolm Forbes

Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder! - Princess Leia

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning. - Rodney Dangerfield

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world - an assigned parking space. - Gene Perret

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing you did mattered? - Bill Murray

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

You have to do what you love to do, not get stuck in that comfort zone of a regular job. Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. - Lucinda Basset

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

If I'm ever stuck on a respirator or a life support system, I definitely want to be unplugged, but not until I'm down to a size eight. - Henriette Mantel

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright