Pig Valentine

In a pig's dye - Archie Bunker

That'll do, pig, that'll do. - Babe

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? - George Carlin

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. - Unknown

You want people to think you live in a pig's eye? - Archie Bunker

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

Look a pig in its eyes, and understand the truth behind bacon. - Mango Wodzak

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Robert A. Heinlein

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

All of us are guinea pigs in the laboratory of God. Humanity is just a work in progress. - Tennessee Williams

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

If he don't go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets, he'll be all right. - Archie Bunker

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. - Unknown

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals. - Will Rogers

The difference between "involvement" and "commitment" is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was "involved" - the pig was "committed". - Unknown

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown

Megyn Kelly: You've called women you don't like "fat pigs," "dogs," "slobs," and "disgusting animals."
Donald Trump: Only Rosie O'Donnell. - Donald Trump

The wolf sniffed beneath the door to be sure this was a human cottage. The scent was undeniable. No pigs, except in bacon form. The wolf thought bacon form was a very sensible way for pigs to behave. - Vivian Vande Velde