#1 humor site on the 'net

Racial Profiling Starts Early

Speeding tickets came naturally for Leroy

Racial Profiling Starts Early thanks to Barry McCartney

But I was just taking a ride in the park, officer...

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Inspiration is remembering the future. - Unknown

Inspiration and genius - one and the same. - Victor Hugo

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Inspiration exists, but it must find you working. - Pablo Picasso

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Inspiration fires you up; motivation keeps you burning. - Stuart Aken

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. - Sigmund Freud

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Enthusiasm is excitement with inspiration, motivation, and a pinch of creativity. - Bo Bennett

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration? - George Eliot

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I think of inspiration as desire infused with spirit and topped with an almost reckless optimism. - Fred White

The most beautiful thing in the world is, precisely, the conjunction of learning and inspiration. - Wanda Landowska

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


Worked For Them

Colon Celery

Hot Tub Cover

Piano Dress

Parking Guide

Apology to Potential Criminals

Before Morning Coffee

Sons Of Arthritis

Challenge Accepted

Subway Camouflage

In Stitches

Great White

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized