#1 humor site on the 'net

Roadside Assistance

Who can you trust when you've got car problems?

Roadside Assistance thanks to Jim Serritella

Counting on friends to get you out of trouble

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top. - Unknown

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. - Milton Berle

You won't help shoots grow by pulling them up higher. - Chines Proverb

The gods cannot help those who do not seize opportunities. - Chinese proverb

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. - Maria Montessori

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The spirit of self-help is the root of all genuine growth in the individual. - Samuel Smiles

Rowing harder doesn't help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction. - Unknown

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young. - Letty Cottin Pogrebin

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it. - Leo Rosten

Never be a cynic, even a gentle one. Never help out a sneer, even at the devil. - Vachel Lindsay

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Everyone must be proactive and do all they can to help themselves to stay employed. - Stephen Covey

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed. - Vincent Van Gogh

To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself? - C S Lewis

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. - John F Kennedy

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Brag about what your people and team are doing. Build them up and help them find their voice. - Stephanie Matthews

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. - Will Rogers

There's nothing like faith in God to help a fellow who gets booted around once in a while. - Jackie Robinson

A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with the wind. - Lewis Mumford

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. - W H Auden

Open your eyes that you might see that all things are possible through you (with God's help). - Robert A. Schuller

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused. - Terry Bradshaw

The thing that we are trying to do at Facebook, is just help people connect and communicate more efficiently. - Mark Zuckerberg

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him. - Booker T. Washington

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Say no to the things that keep you on a certain level and say yes to the things that will help you keep moving on. - Brian Honigman

In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us. - Flora Edwards

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

Often we can help each other most by leaving each other alone; at other times we need the hand-grasp and the word of cheer. - Elbert Hubbard

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The great trial lawyers are the ones who help their jurors by providing them with the tools with which to reach the right verdict. - G Christopher Ritter

Obey the voice within - it commands us to give of ourselves and help others. As long as we have the capacity to give, we are alive. - Kirk Douglas

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy. - Sai Baba

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey

Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, "What's in it for me?" - Brian Tracy


Mouth Candy

Cleanup

Baby Shower

Business Hours

Back Massage Track

Beach Bum

Chicken Photobomb

Italian Electronic Humour

Tipsy Redneck

When You Roll A Tesla

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

House Maid For Men

Nintendo Auto Correct

Yoga Pants

Do Not Read Law

One Thousand Words

Single Men For Long-Term Commitment

Porsche Bird Droppings

Accordion Lessons

I Before E

Male Multitasker

Redneck Bird Feeder

Who Lost The Keys?

Teaching Hotle