#1 humor site on the 'net

Roadside Assistance

Who can you trust when you've got car problems?

Roadside Assistance thanks to Jim Serritella

Counting on friends to get you out of trouble

QuotaBills
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top. - Unknown

It doesn't help your five-iron if you're pretty. - Laura Baugh

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Live as long as you can. Die when you can't help it. - James Brown

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The gods cannot help those who do not seize opportunities. - Chinese proverb

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. - Maria Montessori

If you want to change the world, find someone to help you paddle. - William H. McRaven

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself. - Galileo Galilei

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble. - Adlai Stevenson

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Everyone must be proactive and do all they can to help themselves to stay employed. - Stephen Covey

I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed. - Vincent Van Gogh

You cannot teach humans anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves. - Galileo

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself? - C S Lewis

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. - John F Kennedy

Love deeply, love without jealousy, love blissfully and help each other to be more meditative. - Osho

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. - Will Rogers

A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with the wind. - Lewis Mumford

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon. - Unknown

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. - Dalai Lama

Whatever happened to a sense of idealism and embracing an idea that will help people and, in this case, children? - Rod Blagojevich

In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us. - Flora Edwards

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Don't expect your friend to be a perfect person. But help your friend to become a perfect person. That is true friendship. - Mother Teresa

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

The great trial lawyers are the ones who help their jurors by providing them with the tools with which to reach the right verdict. - G Christopher Ritter

Obey the voice within - it commands us to give of ourselves and help others. As long as we have the capacity to give, we are alive. - Kirk Douglas

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Deadlines aren't bad. They help you organize your time. They help you set priorities. They make you get going when you might not feel like it. - Harvey Mackay

If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would've moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help. - Richard D Wolff

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan


Big John

Do Must Marriage

Shopping-ish

Head Twins

Pickup Park

Diet Hard

Go Nowhere Bike

Master Reference Binder

Do You See A Bird or a Girl?

Car Moochanic

Wife's Small Mistake

Redneck TP

Backwards Clock

Redneck House Move

New World Record Holder

World's Hardest Golf Shot

Safe Bike

Donut Hole History

Church Flight

Jews: The Revenge

Israel Security

Breakfast In Bed

Antler Field

Redneck Stove Burner