SharpShooter

Expert: a man who makes his mistakes quietly. - Unknown

I am an expert in Higher Level Math: You + God = Enough - Zig Ziglar

I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath. - Sylvia Plath

Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days. - Phil Callaway

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. - Laurence J. Peter

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you. - Mae West

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. - Niels Bohr

An expert knows the subject very well. A model teaches by showing instead of just telling. - Thomas Leonard

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

For short term relaxation, I take a hot tub. It's my best way to unblock writer's block. - Ellen Hopkins

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash