Table Kids

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - Steven Wright

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown

I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. - Anna Kendrick

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

Leanardo De Cappuccino: Founder, coffee shop chain - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Fancy Restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

Her face looked like something on the menu in a seafood restaurant. - Woody Allen

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. But if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee, and then after that still don't talk to me. - Unknown

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself. - Unknown