Table Kids

Coffee and love taste best when hot. - German Proverb

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown

Coffee,chocolate, men. The richer the better! - Unknown

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Depresso: The feeling you get when you run out of coffee - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos

Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee? - King Louis XV

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going. - Reinhard Bonnke

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

Of course I have played outdoor games. I once played dominoes in an open air cafe in Paris. - Oscar Wilde

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee, and then after that still don't talk to me. - Unknown

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Eating a tuna roll at a sushi restaurant should be considered no more environmentally benign than driving a Hummer or harpooning a manatee. - Daniel Pauly

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah