Texas 911

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

You can get a lot farther with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone. - Al Capone

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher