#1 humor site on the 'net

Turtle Leash

Guide dogs in the turtle world

Turtle Leash thanks to Keith Blake

Turtle safety while slow-walking in a crosswalk

QuotaBills
PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals - Unknown

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? - George Carlin

Man is by nature a political animal. - Aristotle

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. - Plato

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. - Unknown

Contempt for animal life leads to contempt for human life. - Edward Abbey

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Mouse: An animal which strews its path with fainting women. - Ambrose Bierce

I'm in the turtle's race. My journey is a marathon. - Omari Hardwick

Hamster: The animal least likely to be found in a synagogue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Everywhere animals are in chains, but we image them as free. - Carol J Adams

The best thing about animals is that they don't talk much. - Thornton Wilder

Like the herd animals we are, we sniff warily at the strange one among us. - Loren Eiseley

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? - George Carlin

Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem. - A A Milne

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms. - George Eliot

Animals are simply sophisticated machines created by the infinitely skilled artisan, God. - Brian G Henning

Moose: An animal that has a head and horns on one end and a living room wall on the other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Often, the human animal dresses terror in rage, and expresses both in a way unlike either. - Julius Lester

I'm kind of honored to be a dragon lady. The dragon is a very powerful, mythical animal. - Yoko Ono

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Mahatma Gandhi

Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. - H L Mencken

I like cookies, any cookie you put in front of me - animal cookies, sugar cookies, anything crunchy. - Maria Shriver

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice. - Stephen Covey

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. - Homer Simpson

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. - P J O'Rourke

If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence. - Will Cuppy

Horse: 1. An oatsmobile; 2. An animal that cannot say yes, only neigh; 3. An animal that goes to bed with its shoes on. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell

Ugly animals have it rough. We're more likely to eat them or let them go extinct, and less likely to adopt them from animal shelters. - Joshua A Krisch

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

Animals are like little angels sent to earth to teach us how to love. They don't get angry or play silly games. They are always there for us. - Whitney Mandel


Never Run a Red Light

Bee Safe

Hummers Only Look Tough

Tactical Texas

Defence Budget Cuts

Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection

Public Transportation In Scotland

Guarded Nights

Financial Meltdown

Fox Kabob

Microwaved Bulb... Watts You Won't See

Saks-e Parking Job

Griller Bees

Texting While Cycling

Redneck Manicure

Police Profiling In Canada

Tree Stand